December 9, 2011
My end of year resolution is to be a better blogger. My last post was in June. I am going to do better. I have neglected my journal and my blog in my finishing my latest book, Too Personal for Words: The Invisible Path of Aging.  The corrections phase took longer than what I wanted even though i felt it had been edited to death. I will have the first copies in my hands in two weeks, perhaps before Christmas, but not the Solstice. This book is more autobiographical than I wished it to be. Like most books, it takes its own path, and the writer may cringe, but knows that is where it must go. Sophia, my wise and beautiful sixteen year old granddaughter, said that it was an important book for me to leave to a younger generation Oh, Sophie, please do not make the mistakes I did. You will make your own, but you have made it to sixteen without having to become an adult over night. I am proud of you, and your critique gave me courage when I was thinking of removing a couple of the grittier poems.

My third book of poems is focused on the Southwest. It won the WILLA Finalist Literary Award for poetry in 2011. Needless to say this was a grand surprise. I didn't expect it. I was over seventy when  I finally had time to make my poetry a top priority. This is written for each of you who has a creative dream that is not yet realized. It is never too late. Remember Grandma Moses and remember me.

I will close with a few recent thoughts.

1. Don't fear growing older. Make it an adventure, and remember to laugh at yourself. It keeps you humble.

2. Don't let the insanity of the period we are living through unhinge you. Remember the things that have happened this year such as The Arab Spring which is a tribute to young people seeking better lives.

3.  Buy simple seasonal gifts for those you love. Never mind the simple $5000 diamond, or convertible. That isn't what I have in mind by simple. I recall reading that people who practice loving simplicity in gift giving, and put their money into travel or home improvements are glad for their decisions.

Cruising at Eighty

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN EIGHTY YEARS:

1. Don't wait to learn to play. Do it today.

2. Be a mentor to young people. Bad life decisions can result from depending on your own generation for answers.

3.Don't fear confrontation. Out it can come understanding. Doing nothing can result mystery illnesses.

4.Follow your gut and your spirituality, and do not allow organized thought, whether it be religious
or cultural, dictate your life. If you determine that you are a nonbeliever, rejoice in it. You will not cause wars.

5. Stay away from negativity. It saps your energy, and solves nothing.

6. Be kind to yourself.

7. Laugh and develop or maintain a sense of humor. It will get you through tough times.

8. Accept responsibility if you own it. Don't own it when it belongs to someone else.

9. You make time for what is important to you.

10. Never stop learning. It will keep you young.

Holidays

I remember Christmas as a small girl in a remote Montana outpost that Christmas meant my mother creating magic in one room of the oilfield bungalow that replaced the gracious Victorian ranch house no longer ours. For that moment our parents stepped out the glorious past into a trip to the Sweet Grass Hills. The fragrant tree was decorated with spun glass fruits collected by our mother in San Francisco. Under it four gifts, purchased from Sears' catalog, beckoned to my brothers and me. I received a doll, but I secretly coveted the wooden barn and farm animals given to my brother Pat.

Today I am glad it is the day after Christmas. The highlights were sending and receiving cards and letters to far away friends and family during the Advent Season. I love decorating though this year fewer of the heirlooms traveled from the guest house basement to the adobe house and the white Christmas tree with its silver and white ornaments.

I did not bake countless little loaves of bread and fruit cakes soaked in brandy.. I did prepare gingerbread dough for grandchildren, Sophie, Lauren, Joseph and Bobby to roll into gingerbread people.

I once had creches displayed on every fireplace, and table top. This year there was one on the altar for photographs of our lost loved ones, beginning with Dennis, my beloved son who died almost twelve years ago.

My manuscript on aging advanced with a couple of long writing sessions and then all the fun of family arriving, and celebrating Christmas Eve with a festive dinner, and Christmas day with a lot of relaxation, walks with the dogs, and preparing beef stroganoff with Shauna for dinner. The kids had a great time with the Christmas crackers.

It is interesting to me that our spiritual beliefs may evolve, but our devotions to old traditions may not. And so we are allowed to return to the magic of childhood if only for a holiday moment.

Parents

In my seventies, I think of what a good parent I could be today now that I am too old for the job. I also remember blaming my mother for almost everything that ever went wrong in her life. I denounced her values. I was impatient with her tentativeness. I never accepted her as a good role model, and only now do I realize how much I have become like her.

You will know when you have actually become a mature adult because you will be able to see your parents as the two people they are separate from their parent roles. It is amazing to begin to understand why they parented the way they did. It is also comforting to know that the things you disliked the most in them are what you avoided most in your own relationship with your children. Examples would be physical punishment or shaming as a form of discipline.

We never cease having a child within, and that child never ceases looking for someone to soothe his pain, to love him when he least deserves it. That person may be a parent of choice rather than an actual parent, but they are out there, and you will be aware of them as they come in to your life at different times. Meanwhile trying to appreciate what your parents went through is helpful.

For me, parenting was the toughest job I ever did. I never felt up to the task but did the best I could at the time. I would like to do it over again now that I have gained a higher degree of wisdom to do so.

Losing your voice

1.You lose your voice as a young child when you are hushed for speaking, for laughing, for reaching for a toy.

2. You lose your voice when a teacher disapproves your rabbit that doesn't look like hers.

3. You lose your voice when you are not respected by adults who expect you to respect them.

4, You lose your voice when your gender or sexual preference is diminished.

5. You lose your voice when your rights as a human being are not upheld.

1.I recovered my voice as a woman in circles of women and men who understood.

2.I gained my voice as a poet from my readers.

3.I learned real freedom as an older woman.

4. I have spent my adult life helping others to free themselves from psychological bondage.

5. Our voices need never be less in order for other voices to be more.

Imperfect World

My new book, It's Only Raven Laughing, is in my hands, and after countless rounds of proofreading, the fish pictograph is upside down, and there is a period where one should not be. I can only say, that I tried hard to avoid that happening. I sent countless sets of proofs back regarding the position of the pictograph!

And now it is time to move on to new endeavors, my poems on aging, more New Mexico poems, and just being in the now in this beautiful time of year with flower seeds sprouting, and me forgetting some of what I scattered across the terraces. Half the fun is guessing what is coming up next.

I am thinking of the fact that we gardeners create gardens for ourselves. Few other people will see them, and when they do, they will not be aware that they are looking at sore backs andarthritic hands, not to mention contented hearts!

Reasons to Write or Not

1. Struggling with the final typos in my new book, I am wondering why I write at all.

2. The truth is that I have written my way through a large part of my life, and yet my next book

is calling me even more than the one that is barely launched, It's Only Raven Laughing.

3. My new book, Too Personal for Words, is written from a freer part of my persona. It approaches aging with humor and sometimes frustration and fear. It looks back at

events in my life that I have not been able to face until recently.

4. I write because I have to. For you it may be painting or collecting, or placing another pin

in your travel map that keeps you motivated. I have other interests too, but it is here with my worn Mac that makes each day feel complete.