Who Would Read Them?


Today I burned the syllabi for the last graduate courses I taught. It was hard to see them go. I will not be teaching counseling or education courses again, even if I am asked. The time it would take from my present undertakings would be difficult. It means I will never sit in a seminar room again with a group of students I am intent on awakening to the subject at hand. The fun of seeing them involved in their own learning, their own core beliefs, their own reasons for wanting to be teachers or counselors. I wanted to teach until the day I knew I should not, but it doesn't work that way. Other factors got in the way of continuing to keep alive the part of my career that I loved most.

Syllabi were my opportunity to exercise a bit of creativity within the academic mold. Some of them were for courses I developed. It is interesting to contrast what was happening in 1971 with my new doctoral degree in hand, and an opportunity to broaden the thinking of Western New Mexico University students. I put on my ERA bracelet and wrote a rationale for a new course, Psychology of Women. It was  met with the expected firestorm of university committee thought. Why a course for women if an equal one did not exist for men? I explained that all psychology of the time was psychology of men. And so the course was finally approved, and I was overrun with interested students. The first course, upper division and graduate level had sixty students sign up for it. Even divided in half, it would have been too large for the discussion groups which were at its heart. Students were organized into smaller groups of ten, and so began the discussion of how it is that men who are capable of great love for women are not capable of an equal amount of respect.

Today, more than forty years later, I hear Rick Santorum, candidate for president, speak about why women should be in the home, chained by that devil birth control.He just won in two Southern states! In my blog tomorrow, I will go on to pursue another course I developed, Psychology of the Chicano, and a discussion of minority status including that of women. Maybe I do need to save those syllabi from the fire!

Teacher/Counselor/Advisor/Mentor

I have had many students ask if I plan to write about our shared experiences at Western New Mexico University, Teacher Education Center, formerly Elementary Laboratory School, and the present Child Development Center Just this past week, I wrote about the connection among the above entities. This was written to celebrate the retirement of Terry Salars Anderson, School Director. It was removed from the program by an administrator.

 It is important to remember the history of institutions and what worked and what didn't, and creating ideal environments for learning was one that Western has always done well.

Students remember the good teachers and the nurturing learning environments. They also remember the bad ones. For those of you who are trusted with the education of others, take that responsibility very seriously, and know that what you say and do will be remembered for years to come. I will be writing more on the subject of teacher and student. I will share thoughts as a counselor and mediator.

Reach out to a child who needs an extra hug. Remember to look for the child within.

December 9, 2011
My end of year resolution is to be a better blogger. My last post was in June. I am going to do better. I have neglected my journal and my blog in my finishing my latest book, Too Personal for Words: The Invisible Path of Aging.  The corrections phase took longer than what I wanted even though i felt it had been edited to death. I will have the first copies in my hands in two weeks, perhaps before Christmas, but not the Solstice. This book is more autobiographical than I wished it to be. Like most books, it takes its own path, and the writer may cringe, but knows that is where it must go. Sophia, my wise and beautiful sixteen year old granddaughter, said that it was an important book for me to leave to a younger generation Oh, Sophie, please do not make the mistakes I did. You will make your own, but you have made it to sixteen without having to become an adult over night. I am proud of you, and your critique gave me courage when I was thinking of removing a couple of the grittier poems.

My third book of poems is focused on the Southwest. It won the WILLA Finalist Literary Award for poetry in 2011. Needless to say this was a grand surprise. I didn't expect it. I was over seventy when  I finally had time to make my poetry a top priority. This is written for each of you who has a creative dream that is not yet realized. It is never too late. Remember Grandma Moses and remember me.

I will close with a few recent thoughts.

1. Don't fear growing older. Make it an adventure, and remember to laugh at yourself. It keeps you humble.

2. Don't let the insanity of the period we are living through unhinge you. Remember the things that have happened this year such as The Arab Spring which is a tribute to young people seeking better lives.

3.  Buy simple seasonal gifts for those you love. Never mind the simple $5000 diamond, or convertible. That isn't what I have in mind by simple. I recall reading that people who practice loving simplicity in gift giving, and put their money into travel or home improvements are glad for their decisions.

Cruising at Eighty

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN EIGHTY YEARS:

1. Don't wait to learn to play. Do it today.

2. Be a mentor to young people. Bad life decisions can result from depending on your own generation for answers.

3.Don't fear confrontation. Out it can come understanding. Doing nothing can result mystery illnesses.

4.Follow your gut and your spirituality, and do not allow organized thought, whether it be religious
or cultural, dictate your life. If you determine that you are a nonbeliever, rejoice in it. You will not cause wars.

5. Stay away from negativity. It saps your energy, and solves nothing.

6. Be kind to yourself.

7. Laugh and develop or maintain a sense of humor. It will get you through tough times.

8. Accept responsibility if you own it. Don't own it when it belongs to someone else.

9. You make time for what is important to you.

10. Never stop learning. It will keep you young.

Holidays

I remember Christmas as a small girl in a remote Montana outpost that Christmas meant my mother creating magic in one room of the oilfield bungalow that replaced the gracious Victorian ranch house no longer ours. For that moment our parents stepped out the glorious past into a trip to the Sweet Grass Hills. The fragrant tree was decorated with spun glass fruits collected by our mother in San Francisco. Under it four gifts, purchased from Sears' catalog, beckoned to my brothers and me. I received a doll, but I secretly coveted the wooden barn and farm animals given to my brother Pat.

Today I am glad it is the day after Christmas. The highlights were sending and receiving cards and letters to far away friends and family during the Advent Season. I love decorating though this year fewer of the heirlooms traveled from the guest house basement to the adobe house and the white Christmas tree with its silver and white ornaments.

I did not bake countless little loaves of bread and fruit cakes soaked in brandy.. I did prepare gingerbread dough for grandchildren, Sophie, Lauren, Joseph and Bobby to roll into gingerbread people.

I once had creches displayed on every fireplace, and table top. This year there was one on the altar for photographs of our lost loved ones, beginning with Dennis, my beloved son who died almost twelve years ago.

My manuscript on aging advanced with a couple of long writing sessions and then all the fun of family arriving, and celebrating Christmas Eve with a festive dinner, and Christmas day with a lot of relaxation, walks with the dogs, and preparing beef stroganoff with Shauna for dinner. The kids had a great time with the Christmas crackers.

It is interesting to me that our spiritual beliefs may evolve, but our devotions to old traditions may not. And so we are allowed to return to the magic of childhood if only for a holiday moment.

Parents

In my seventies, I think of what a good parent I could be today now that I am too old for the job. I also remember blaming my mother for almost everything that ever went wrong in her life. I denounced her values. I was impatient with her tentativeness. I never accepted her as a good role model, and only now do I realize how much I have become like her.

You will know when you have actually become a mature adult because you will be able to see your parents as the two people they are separate from their parent roles. It is amazing to begin to understand why they parented the way they did. It is also comforting to know that the things you disliked the most in them are what you avoided most in your own relationship with your children. Examples would be physical punishment or shaming as a form of discipline.

We never cease having a child within, and that child never ceases looking for someone to soothe his pain, to love him when he least deserves it. That person may be a parent of choice rather than an actual parent, but they are out there, and you will be aware of them as they come in to your life at different times. Meanwhile trying to appreciate what your parents went through is helpful.

For me, parenting was the toughest job I ever did. I never felt up to the task but did the best I could at the time. I would like to do it over again now that I have gained a higher degree of wisdom to do so.